There is a lot of disappointment going around lately. Our new normal is a change from our usual activities and way of life, and plans have inevitably been altered due to circumstances beyond our control. No matter your age, some types of change is not expected and certainly not welcome; therefore, becoming a disappointment.
When our expectations are not in line with reality, it’s challenging to handle. How many times in the past few weeks have you spoken to someone that is disappointed with something, or perhaps you listened to a news story about disappointment? Because I have a college age child, I’ve overheard countless stories of young adults that have competed for coveted internships to learn that a large number of them have been canceled for the summer because of the coronavirus. As a small business owner, I personally know what it’s like to not have the amount of work I’m used to and have communicated with other businesses that are wondering how they are going to make it through this.
During this type of communication, there is inevitably someone who says, “these are difficult times, but we should all be thankful that we have our health”. Everyone politely agrees. After all, the person is correct. We should always be grateful for good health. And, yes, this person is trying their best to give hope to a seemingly despairing situation. There have been a few occasions when a statement like that is also met with a sarcastic remark because disappointment can make some people angry. I understand both sides of that conversation.
During my time teaching children about etiquette, as well as adults on how to handle conflict, I always come across one essential question: How to assist someone when there is little you can literally do to help, or solve the problem?
- Not every problem can be solved; however, it should be managed for the most beneficial results. In the case of an internship being cancelled, there is nothing you can do to alter a rescinded offer due to circumstances not within your control. Maybe you can negotiate a remote option, or perhaps change course altogether and seek virtual work, or try out some entrepreneurial endeavors. These are examples of changing course and are opportunities to offer assistance only if the person would like it, and you are able. Remember if you offer to help – make sure you follow through with your promise.
- Don’t pass judgement. Problems or disappointments to others might not resonate with you at all. Either way, if the person is hurting, accept that, and use your words and actions to display empathy for their feelings and just be a listening board.
- Be supportive. This simple piece of advice is the most challenging to execute. I teach children to always think with their head and their heart, reminding them to think if there is something we learned, like a specific etiquette rule, that applies to a given situation. If not, what is their heart telling them to do if they were the person who needed assistance? This requires them to put themselves in another person’s position. Small children can usually do this without much assistance. They generally answer: “I would listen, hug the person, see if I could help them if they had a possible solution or just stay with them.” There is a lot we can learn from small children.
- Be there. Numerous times over the years I’ve had people tell me – “There is nothing I can do to help. So, I don’t see a point in bothering the person.” It might give a person some comfort to know that someone else is thinking about them and cares. Maybe you can’t literally see the person, but you can communicate in other ways. This doesn’t have to complicated. Maybe just a simple text that says – “Hi. I’m thinking about you. Hope you’re okay.” Maybe the person gives you a response back like “Thank you”, or perhaps they call and say “Hey, I’m having a lousy day” and starts to talk.
The bottom line is to help one another feel supported through times of struggle and disappointment. Show empathy and kindness. Please let me know how you have helped someone with disappointment. We can all learn from one another.